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Is Equality At Home The Goal?

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Today's blog is to prompt discussion. I am not an expert in this area and in fact am curious for your feedback. Should there be equality in the home? Can there be?

I speak to so many moms who get so frustrated with their husbands. "It's not fair." I hear this over and over. "We take care of the kids, the house and maybe even work." The work load seems very unbalanced if you keep score.

One of my best girlfriends (whom I will allow to remain nameless) complains that her husband doesn't cook as much as her. As much? I would be thrilled if my hubby cooked at all. Now, this can't be a bashing of my hubby. He is great and does lot's of stuff. But I definitely don't try to go for equal.

Instead, we talk about what needs to get done. He is probably not going to clean the house or make the meals but he helps me by taking care of the cars, insurance, banking and more. Sheryl Sandberg would say that I need to lean in. She would say that we both participate in bringing home the bacon and so he should take on more domestic duties. Sorry Sheryl. I'm ok with my arrangement! Jason and I don't look for balance. We counter balance and try to cover each other when one person is weighted too heavily.

One thing I do know is that no one should determine for another what is fair. All that matters is that you and your spouse are happy with your arrangement.

I have many friends whose husbands have taken over the full role as Mr. Mom. They are the primary caregivers while my girlfriends work. But are they happy? Not seemingly. It seems like it's in their nature to want to bring home the bacon. And it seems like it's in our nature to want to care for our family. We are biologically nurturers. For most of our corporate team, if a kid gets sick, it's the mom who goes home to be with them. Rarely does the dad take off work to go home. Fair?

Please don't get all ruffled up about this. Clearly, there are many circumstances out there. I'm just asking.... what do you do? And are you ok with it?

How do you make your marriage work?

Lisa Druxman

Idea monkey who loves dark coffee, yummy breakfasts, quick workouts and long meditations. Sharing my answers about life and motherhood as I'm figuring it all out.

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